<body> My precious one...: June 2009 <body>
Sunday, June 28, 2009

心,好重。。。

拖着疲累的身体走入工作,朝气洋溢的脸孔应该让我感到活力。但是很久了,你们看到的是我的人,我的知识;你们很久没看见我的心了,那颗心曾经是我生命的推动力,开启我的热忱。它好久没有热情的启动了。我已经忘了要怎么用心去看去说话了。我只想赶快完成手上的职责,躲进我的温室。在那里,我失去了说话的能力,我只能够,我只想用力的惩罚我自己!但是我答应过你不能够这样做!这种感觉好可怕,这种压力压着我的心很重,很沉重。我说不出话!!其实,我不是你们看见的那样。因为,已经没有人能够再看见我那颗心了。。。

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Old dream, new way

I'm feeling completely at sea now...As if unsure of where I am...
Losing dream & hope....
No goal, nothing to pursue...
Walking on d street aimlessly. Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.
No one understand. I hv completely loss for words.
Pretendedly strong becos no one understands...How to express it by words...
The grief is a heavy load to bear..
Umscrable my thought, packing luggage, Im moving towards a new destination soon.
That is d true dream i'm wishing for these years in a new place...

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Sunday, June 21, 2009

No Reason . . .

Fate determine who comes into ur life, but heart determines who stays. . . My heart will not cheat me. That's why i worried was it telling me something that dont match with what i was doing for the months??? Anyway, I choose to hear what HE is telling me. And I hope miracles happen tomorrow. I thank God in advance....

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

伯乐和千里马


你的一生会出现多少匹的千里马?我看见许多的千里马一一从你那流失。。我想你要的不是好马而是一只乖乖听话的小狗。小狗会成就大事但他不能使你进步。。。我们都想把最好的献上,我相信你也看见。谢谢你在称赞的同时也加上肯定!但是请把矛盾减到最少,好的东西一旦失去就再也找不回!新血可以进来,而好的更能成为你的帮助!我要的不是称赞和认同,还要看见有一天我们可以一起把行政集合在一个办公楼!这是你的“异象”不是吗?

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

My Greatest Satisfaction

I was so struggled when the pastor asked us to empty everything in my life. I was proud of some things in my life. I knew it was not a kidding at that moment! It was not just a prayer after that i forgot everything! It was a serious moment & i was going to make a decision & choice. Who is my greatest reward? Is God or my vision, qualification, dreams or desires? My heart hurt... You are hard to imagine why could such a prayer made me struggled & afraid.. I knew once i made the prayer, i have to lay my love one, everything before the altar....... I told myself that if I couldn't keep my promise, it was better I didn't make the prayer as the pastor said. I still have time to regret! Struggling...feeling pain... crying......It was not easy! I still thinking about the number of my students at that moment! Anyway, I knew, for so many many months ago, I have already learned the lesson of obeying, letting God to be God and humble. Even though I refused to give my love to HIM months ago!! Now is the time to accept a new & tough challenge with an obedience heart. I have no time & no energy to act against God. HE is my greatest satisfaction!

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Saturday, June 13, 2009

A Wonderful Encountering

This is the most wonderful holidays I ever had. I left here with depressed and an act of evading while I left for the 3 conference & camps with a prayerful heart. I asked God for 3 things...In the camps & conferences, I experienced HIS faithfulness & delivering!


A)中文教会领袖研讨会(1~3 June)


-"Do something new in my life..." He wants me to forget what happened in the past. God said there is nothing impossible in Him even the situation looks impossible. No matter how hard to imagine it will happen, just believe it by faith. Believe when God talked to me FOR THE 1st TIME! What I need to do is to listen & obey the voice of Holy Spirit. "Do you believe in my promise?" God asked. God wants to lead me into His blessing!

-I should have to continue praying to maintain my faith. I do my best & God will do the rest!
-It is not about how many time i did failure in my life; the most important is how many time i stand up again in my life!
-God will adjust my step so that i will continue to walk in His will. you too.....
-I was suffering because I wanted to change others. At times God put someone in my life to change me. I need to change before someone else changing.
-Let love starts from me. To forgive, to love those who hurt me. Just do It without asking for return.
-I will be very very grateful when God let me to further my study. It will glorify Him.
-Now, i have to put the love ones before God.... Don't make the wrong decision during tough time that lead to the regretfulness.
-This is the time I reap the harvest & break thru!!


B) Church Camp (7~9 June)


-forget those in the past!

-persevere until my family believes in Christ!
-God's will may not be as smoothly as possible, He wants me to learn obedience.
-Don't let afraid to hinder me from doing God's will.
-Wait! Because of not waiting, I will not get what I ought to get!


C)Awakening for Jesus- Kingdom Revival Conference(10~13 June)


-There is nothing too difficult for God. God wants to overturn the situation! He gives me hope in the thing I ask for. TQ God!!

-Continue to pray for the person so that he is able to stand firm !
-To honour my parents will lead to the salvation to them!!
-Pass the baton to the next generation!
-Be humble
-Jesus was once walking on the path that i am walking now. He had suffered what i am suffering now.
-Love is sacrifice- its a circumcised love
-Think abt something crazy & creative
-Empty my qualification, salary & job. When they are vanished, the resurrection power of God come!!
-When I come to a situation that i can not pray by using word but tears , its the time to let my faith grow!

**the most touch was during the prayer in one of the service, God told me even though there is something undone now, my dreams & desires seem far away from me, Holy Spirit wants to blow breath into them. Tq God!! This is an encouragement & hope to me!! I cried ceaselessly....... Thank God for giving me evidence & hope. This is not coincidence. This is what I prayed for before going to camp!

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

Don't let me down...

No eager, no expectation, I'm going to set off tomorrow. Having stomache these few days. A terrible headache last few days during conference, feeling vomiting+diarrhea associated with not feeling well. I almost cried in the toilet. . . It was a tough time. Was it the attact of the enemy or I was not used to stay outside since graduated? I like my bed, pillows and the smell of my blanket. Am I an old fogy? I wish I am not. It is a torment to me in every way!! well, the situation can be as soon as the bus stop, I fly to your arms-KL. I hope God will speak to me during the camp and offer evidence in support of what He said. And you...must be good the whole week.... HE will not let us down...

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Friday, June 5, 2009

Lost in the strangeness

Just came back from a conference" and I'm going to church camp and Revival Conference in KL next week. At 1st, i forced myself to participate in 3 camps within 2 weeks. well, I wished to take part too. U asked me why to get involve in so many things since i was tired... Well, one of the reason is that i dont want to stay here this two weeks. Church camp does remind me smthing...The days seem to flash by. Im worry abt i ll cry dat day... The familiar one makes my heart burning... The familiar has became strange. and I got lost in the strangeness and couldn't find a way out. It is a consequence of not being well known.......

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